Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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