Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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