So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
