God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the condom got lost in my hair
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
