I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize