I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
sarcasm needs its own font
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
