Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
