we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
