I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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