if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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