Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
