I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so much tequila, so little girl.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
