i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
