foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize