At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
