dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize