Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's shark week go big or go home
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
