But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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