SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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