my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
