I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
