He disabled his match.com account in front of me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
