I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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