a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
