Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
