phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
