Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
