Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
