i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
