Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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