Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who died my cat blue again?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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