If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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