Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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