she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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