I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
