I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
