I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
