It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize