I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
