Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
