Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
