my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
