So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
