"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize