did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
