The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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