i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
