wrigley field is MILF paradise
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
