im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just pee around me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
