my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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