We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize