Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
