I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
