Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize