Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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