I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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