I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
