3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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