He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
