hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
