who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
