i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
