Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
