Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize