jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
