At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
