Buhtt sex?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
