it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
