You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
