Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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