Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
