Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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