haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize