stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
