im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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