2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
