I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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