I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
