I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
