I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize