Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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