But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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