She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
