Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There r osticjed everywhere
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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