and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
