yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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