tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
