So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize