break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
