Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He kissed a someone with a penis
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
