he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize