If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
